When I was a child, I always wanted to escape. Get someone to take me away somewhere. I don’t know why exactly I felt this way. It was usually on a train though. I would imagine my bed being a train car that I was being whisked away in as I fell asleep. Tucked tightly between my two favorite stuffed animals for the night. Totally protected. No one could get me as the train sped along the tracks and the gentle rolling of the engine eventually allowed me to drift off…
I’m not sure if I had a bad childhood. Truth is, I don’t remember most of it. Like, any of it. I have a few early memories of fishing out on the pier with my dad, exploring abandoned houses, laying out on the driveway at 4am to watch a meteor shower. That was a good one! He was away on business most of the time, so when he got back it was all about us. Yes, I’m definitely a “daddy’s girl.” Still am. But he was there for me, even when he wasn’t. He was present. He was the present parent.
My mother on the other hand… we had a different story. I remember her always in a string bikini laying splayed out next to the pool supposedly drinking “iced tea.” God I hated her. I reveled in the fact that she was a poor swimmer and if I wanted to I could drown her in the shallow end. Instead I did what felt the only healthy responsible thing to do (leave) and head out into the woods. Well, I knew she wouldn’t follow me there either. Might beak a nail.
So I grew up in the woods. I spent my days high up in the Beechnut trees napping in their long smooth limbs that would cradle me and sway with the beach breeze. Inevitably, dusk would fall and I would come home when it was dark enough to get scolded. My snotty ass comment would be somewhere along the lines of ‘why didn’t you just send my brother out to get me?’ We both knew his aversion towards the woods was probably worse that her own. Might get dirty.