Is it okay that he made me coffee? I came into the office on a Thursday, because I had to go to U of M on Friday which is our usual meeting day. He made an exception, came in first thing in the morning to the GH office, then drove to his office after for the rest of the work day. I found that very kind. I said I didn’t mind driving. He said, he didn’t mind being kind. But when I walked in, waiting in my car for the exact time like always, I found him sitting in his chair reading a magazine. No clipboard. No computer open. There was a fresh cup of coffee in the Keurig, so I joked “you made a cup of coffee for me? :)” Well, he actually did, his was already poured and sitting steaming next to his fashion (?) magazine he was reading. The “I wan’t to be more aware of my clients needs” or something along those lines was such a subtle untruth that I stifled the retort “I thought I was just special.”
And that’s just it… we really just did meet for coffee that morning. We talked, as friends do. No questions. No drama. No problems. Coffee. Of course, I did stay an extra half hour, as I now realize he regularly schedules around, because we do enjoy one another’s company, and I do think its a light meeting for him which gives him a break. However there were things I thought I picked up on. After all, I do know people and their behavior. There was mirroring, but that is a good thing, and most likely has been going on for a while, its rapport, which we talked about. There are now the expressions ‘we’ and ‘us’ used by him though. I caught him picking his nails, and even got a blush out of him at one point when I told him it was time for him to branch out on his own.
Disconcertingly, I did at one point feel the tether though. Just for a brief moment. Strong and forceful as always. I hope in being a little older and wiser I can discount the tether as being a two-way street. I need to. I don’t want to lose him as a therapist. I feel very dependent upon him now. Maybe that’s the next discussion we need to have. Is healthy dependency in therapy something that will eventually go away? Do I need to be concerned about this developing into something that will have to terminate our relationship? I guess that’s up to me. Stop thinking of him as anything but a clinical psychologist. Period!