Two more weeks in the boot. That was the determination on Monday. I don’t have to go back to see my doctor. I’m free to go. It’s on to physical therapy. 4-6 weeks 3 times a week.

The visit with my doctor was entirely different this time from all of our previous visits. It was brief, to the point, professional on both of our parts. He remained very detached and I remained slightly aloof. There were no lingering conversations. No long pauses on his part that extended the visit for no real reason. I didn’t have a lot of questions and I was quickly dismissed. He walked out like a doctor and did not hold the door for me this time which I felt was so odd when he did the last time.

I am relieved that it’s over. That nothing continued. Nothing transpired. But I’m confused. Was it all in my head? When I ask my friends they say no. They understood there was definite blurring of the boundaries going on. I might have been experiencing transference but he allowed it. The unspoken attraction. The building tension. However, I feel oddly displaced. A part of me still feels that needy desire. Still wants that comfort he was able to provide. And the fantasy that he might actually act on the attraction.

It was titillating, intoxicating and borderline scandalous. I have to admit, I enjoyed the thought that I might be able to compel him to step over the line. It would have been something to just grab him and kiss him right there in the exam room. There wouldn’t have to be any sex, any meeting outside of the office. No planing. No promises. Just that one moment of passion. That one heated moment.

There’s another part of me that wants the broken foot back for other reasons. I was able to slow down for real. My personality changed as I adapted to my predicament. I was much more centered and calm and I can already feel that slipping away. My anger is much, much better though and I can let things go, which was one of my goals. I don’t swear like I used to either. Now that I can walk though I can act. I can get up and fix things that are out of place. That’s going to take some work. To not act.

It will take a little longer to process the transference/countertransference though. It was such an odd experience. One I haven’t had to deal with before and I’m shocked really at how overwhelming it was. I went from mildly infatuated to nearly obsessive in one visit, one half hour, where he responded to me.

Feelings still remain for me and I have to remind myself of how I felt about him before that visit. When I was able to control my fleeting admiration because that was all it was. It’s hard when he lives right down the street though. I can’t help but be completely aware that we shop at the same grocery store and we might possibly run into each other in the dog park. And I think, would it be appropriate to talk to him if he was by himself?